Tag Archives: life

SIBLINGS/PARTNERS IN CRIME

Posted on by
Reply

Many of you have siblings. Some close in age and others not so close. I myself have a brother who is almost 13 years my junior. We never really had a close relationship as the age gap was just a bit too much for anything in common. I love him but we aren’t “friends”.

I have 4 kids. Out of all of them, my two youngest are the closest. They are the most similar and both can equally piss me off. They are 4 years a part in age but have so much in common. Music, games, activities….they are like 2 peas in a pod. They are both giant goofballs who like to poke my buttons and laugh about it together. I love that they are so close but sometimes I want to bang their heads together.

They look sweet don’t they? All calm and chill. Don’t be fooled. These little heathens can drive a woman to drink I tell ya.

In our house we use sarcasm, swearing, dark humour, and goofiness as a way of life. I guess I am at fault as to what they have turned into huh? Well, I can tell you that even though there are days I want to throttle them, I am very proud of them. They do not follow the herd. They think for themselves and aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in. So I must have done something right.

I hope that the special bond that these two have will continue through life. It is a very special relationship that they have. My son is what I refer to as “my daughters person”. He is the one she wants when she is upset or hurting. He is the one she needs when life is hitting hard. As a parent it is an amazing thing to see. Just because people are “siblings” it doesn’t mean they have to like each other. These two really love each other and that makes a mom proud.

Well, that was just a little something as I haven’t been on lately. Life can be very distracting. Until next time – stay sane.

SHARING MY PHOTOGRAPHIC JOURNEY

Posted on by
Reply

I have decided I will continue posting some of my pics on here. I am far from a professional but they make me happy and I enjoy taking them. I hope someone out there enjoys them as well

Lonely Prairies

Something Wicked……

Reflections

Subtle Smile

Highway Tunnel of the Past

Doggie Thug Life

I hope you have enjoyed these images. I will be posting more as I go out and capture pictures of whatever strikes my fancy at the time.

Until next time – stay sane.

LOVE HELLO, HATE GOODBYE

Posted on by
Reply

So about 3 weeks we ended up adopting ANOTHER kitten. This wasn’t on me this time but on my hubby. He saw a picture of the little one and fell in love. All I got was a text with a pic and the words “Go get her”. Let me introduce you to our newest family member……Mystik

She is a beautiful little girl but after she got comfortable, her personality started to show. Should have named her Menace, or Mayhem…Chaos? You know how it can be with a kitten and she is just about the same age as the other one we adopted only a couple of months ago. Those two are best buds and often play or nap together.

Now many people may think we are a tad nutters to have 4 cats and a dog. One senior and 3 under 2 but when you see how sweet they are you would understand. I would rescue all animals if I could. However, the craziness wasn’t meant to continue. .

Our oldest boy, Machu, was adopted with his bonded brother about 7 or 8 years ago. I am always bad with exact dates, but at least that amount. He was the type of kitty who would come to you for attention. Reach out with his paw to grab your arm so you would pet him. Not a snuggler but still loving.

My pretty boy had to survive the passing of his bonded brother about 2 years ago, then 1.5 years ago he had a stroke. He powered through and although he couldn’t be considered 100% he was pretty close. Unfortunately, he recently became very ill. We had to make the most difficult decision the parent of a fur baby has to make. Would I have loved to keep him with me? YES! If there was a sure outcome of him surviving and having a good quality of life would I still get to cuddle and love him? YES! I would have done anything, but that wasn’t an option. Yesterday we let him go into a deep sleep to be free of pain and were with him until the end. Every pet deserves to know you were there and they were loved until they are gone.

I can only take some solace in knowing that I gave him a good life. He got love, treats, companionship, and even whipped cream (just a dab) every now and then. I will always have a place in my heart for this boy. He was a pure soul. No hate, just love.

Rest in Peace my baby boy.

Until next time – stay sane.

FINDING A LITTLE HAPPY

Posted on by
Reply

I have recently got back into a bit of my photography hobby. My favourite images are black and white, usually landscapes or objects. I need to spend some time getting my larger cameras up and going again, its been a bit, but I have been playing a little here and there. I just thought I would share some of my images with you today.

“Tiny Home”

“Years Gone By”

“Contemplation”

Those are a few of my pics and I am hoping to really get out and find my passion for it again. I am by no means a professional, (although I can brag that one photo I did years ago was purchased and used in a text book on mountain striations), I do enjoy finding pleasing images in every day life.

“Self Portrait”

Until I return – stay sane.

Am I Numb or normal?

Posted on by
Reply

As mentioned previously in another post I have struggled with anxiety for a very long time along with other issues. I have been on a new medication for just over a month now and I can feel the difference. The issue is I cannot tell if how I now feel is normal or am I numb?

Anxiety caused me to care and worry to excessive amounts. I cared about things I did in the past, and I am talking 30+ years in the past. I cared about what people thought of me, I worried about the present, past and future. I worried about my kids, my health, happiness, life, lack of a life, you name it and it was running through my head in a thoughts marathon. Now? Its quiet. I am not constantly fretting over some current issue or imagined issue. My head feels quieter and in a way it is freaking me out. Is this “normal”? I honestly have nothing to compare it too. I am still scatterbrained with ADHD so Its not total hushed but nothing like it was.

There are moments when I am sitting at my desk where I find myself pondering if I really just don’t care about the vast amount of crap I worried about anymore or if I am slightly numbed by the medication. I don’t think I know how to function when not in a constant high tension fight or flight mode. Now I am more of a “MEH!” mentality.

I have to say that before I was on this medication I would stress about what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just settle my brain and focus on the here and now. Why was I worried about Christmas in 8 months that lead me down a windy path of thoughts to retirement in my future. My train of thoughts are like the Doctor Who definition of Timey Wimey. There is never a straight line but multiple branches that all loop around and connect to what might appear to be unrelated subjects. This is how I have functioned for decades and I am now at a bit of a loss.

I think there may be a bit of a learning curve here. I don’t need to be ready for flight. I never really did but my brain tricked my body into thinking there was. I guess I better figure my shit out then. Until next time-stay sane.

GHOST TOWN ADVENTURE

Posted on by
Reply

Over the weekend my kids and I decided to go on a little adventure and check out the ghost town of Neidpath in Saskatchewan. This town had it’s first post office established in 1909 and was left to crumble when the railway abandoned that rail route in 1981. Below you will see a few pictures of the two grain elevators still standing, sort of, out of the original 4.

I think my appreciation for sites of the past came about from my step-father. He loved everything about the past. He would take us camping for 2 weeks every summer at some ghost town site to explore. I would see him out there with his brimmed hat and metal detector in hand looking for lost little treasures. He also introduced me to visiting old graveyards. Nothing disrespectful, but to just read any headstones you could to get a sense of the history. I in turn have passed on this admiration to my kids. I grew up surrounded by antique items. Not the fancy and expensive furniture but the small everyday items that people used in their daily lives. Metal tins that once held kitchen spices and old bottles. An old barber chair he hoped to one day restore and the bubble photo of his grandfather in his military uniform on the wall.

I love when I can take a closer look at the once inhabited dwellings and try to imagine what life was like then and in that town. Open fields all around and the big never ending sky above. The day was warm but with a nice breeze blowing across the prairies. At one time people lived there. Worked, went to school, played, laughed. Now there are a few old buildings left to slowly deteriorate back to the earth.

This was once perhaps the home of a family. I looked in at the old single kitchen faucet and old stove trying to picture how this was once a cozy home. Its hard to picture it when you see the state in which it has become.

Not too far from this old house we found a church. The entrance section of the building had separated from the main portion and in the field adjacent was an abandoned car. Why would someone just leave their car? We will never know.

I love to go and explore places like this. I am out of the house getting fresh air and I am enjoying the moment. Not worrying about now, the next 5 years or even further. (Thanks anxiety!) I am just in the moment and the past.

I hope you enjoy the pics and maybe these will help inspire you to go out and explore. Until next time-stay sane.

ROADWAY MEMORIES

Posted on by
2

I have decided I am super lucky. My demon spawn….ahem….lovely kids, still love the chance to road trip with mom. Now when I say kids I am talking about 15, 19, and 23. I have decided that I will continue to go on road trips with them for as long as they want. Why? Well, I am not an idiot. I know that at some point they will have busy lives and cruising down the highway with their old mom won’t be in the plans.

I try to make the trips fun. Stretch them out so we can make any stops we want. Take pics, explore, be goofy. Music blasting, windows down and loaded on drinks and snacks we hit the road to where ever that trip is taking us. I am planning trips up to Northern BC, The Yukon and still researching more.

When I was growing up my step dad took us camping for 2 weeks every summer. We usually stayed at remote locations as he loved old ghost towns. There were times I may have gotten a little bored but as I grew older I looked back at those trips and I never thought of the bored, just the fun and interesting things we did. I have chosen to make memories for my kids to look back on and say “Mom wasn’t just a raging mean old bitch!”. Ah, yes, the teen years are fun aren’t they?

In todays world people are consumed with things and obtaining “treasures”. Going on those crazy expensive trips around the world. Not that I don’t have places I would love to visit and still hope to do so, BUT, I want my kids to appreciate what we have around us. Memories are important, not things I buy them. I have seen in my kids that they have absorbed this outlook and I am so thankful that they are who they are.

I think we forget that sometimes there is beauty and exploration right in our own backyard and that is what I want to do with my family. Explore, admire, laugh, and make memories. So get the hell outdoors, research a cool out of the way place to check out. Sing loud, eat horribly and laugh together.

Off I go until another thought strikes me. Until then – stay sane.

I GOT DISTRACTED

Posted on by
Reply

I swear, I am amazed that I can function some days because my brain is somewhere doing the tango on a lily pad. I cannot keep a thought going longer than 30 seconds most days. The whole point to having this “place” to air out my issues, grievances, frustrations, whatever the hell I want to write about page, gets pushed out to left field and then I just rattle around in my own bloody head.

I have been dealing with frustrations regarding my physical and mental health. I feel as if I am not listened to. This rant is all about my mental health.

Is it really too much to ask for someone, a medical professional, to actually take the time to talk to me? FFS, I would have better luck corralling a group of feral cats while blowing a bugal and riding a moose.

For 30+ years I have felt “wrong” in my head. Questioning myself on how I think, feel, or react. I have been told I had depression, anxiety, depression caused by anxiety, ADHD and round and round I go. The latest was a diagnosis of BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. Okay, so that could make sense BUT they diagnosed me off of past doctor reports because they are too “busy” to actually talk to me. Well WTF? I have questions. What do I do? How do I deal with something that has impacted my life for over 30 years. The feelings of being lost, alone, worthless. How do you deal? Were I live there is such a shortage of physiatrists, that unless you are seriously on the edge, they cannot even take the time to talk to you.

My family doc is trying again to get me in to see someone but I do not hold onto too much hope and the only option I have it to privately pay for a full assessment. I am not sure about the majority of people but I don’t have an extra $3800 – $4200 laying around for the costs, however; I am now running out of any options if I want to get the help and guidance I need.

I try to find the little things in my life that are “happy” things. Could be the beautiful sunset, or the family of birds nesting in one of my trees, but to keep the positive can be a struggle somedays.

I will just have to keep coming here to spew and rant. Just to get stuff out, but it won’t always be “bad” stuff. I do have happy moments as well. I love humour and being silly so I will try to bring a bit of that as well.

Until I remember to post again, stay sane.