Tag Archives: mental-health

FINDING A LITTLE HAPPY

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I have recently got back into a bit of my photography hobby. My favourite images are black and white, usually landscapes or objects. I need to spend some time getting my larger cameras up and going again, its been a bit, but I have been playing a little here and there. I just thought I would share some of my images with you today.

“Tiny Home”

“Years Gone By”

“Contemplation”

Those are a few of my pics and I am hoping to really get out and find my passion for it again. I am by no means a professional, (although I can brag that one photo I did years ago was purchased and used in a text book on mountain striations), I do enjoy finding pleasing images in every day life.

“Self Portrait”

Until I return – stay sane.

UNDERSTANDING MY MENTAL HEALTH

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So, I finally got a chance to be assessed and at least get some answers in regards to my mental health. I AM BROKEN! Seriously though, I have been battling with my mental health for quite a long time. Always felt…..wrong. Now I just have names/classifications but no real answers as to how to deal.

In the past I have been told that I had different things and for different reasons:

  1. Depression
  2. Anxiety
  3. ADHD
  4. I have anxiety and depression because of the ADHD
  5. I only have Anxiety
  6. Actually diagnosed with ADHD by a specialist
  7. Borderline Personality Disorder

Now my diagnosis is as follows:

  1. ADHD
  2. General Anxiety Disorder
  3. Social Anxiety Disorder
  4. Panic Disorder
  5. Borderline Personality Traits

What does this mean? Not a lot really. I knew I had ADHD and anxiety. This isn’t really telling me why I think the way I do or feel the way I do. Maybe the new meds will start to help me and I am going to therapy so over time I my no longer feel the way I feel. Like something is wrong with me.

Do you know what it is like to often feel like you have something not quite right with you but you don’t know what? To question if your thought process is correct or your reactions to situations are like other peoples? I often look at people going about their daily lives looking happy and wonder why life seems so difficult for me but not for them. I can only hope that these kinds of thoughts dissipate as time goes by. I just want to feel like I am not broken or damaged.

Anyhoo, that is my rant for the day. Until next time-stay sane.

I GOT DISTRACTED

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I swear, I am amazed that I can function some days because my brain is somewhere doing the tango on a lily pad. I cannot keep a thought going longer than 30 seconds most days. The whole point to having this “place” to air out my issues, grievances, frustrations, whatever the hell I want to write about page, gets pushed out to left field and then I just rattle around in my own bloody head.

I have been dealing with frustrations regarding my physical and mental health. I feel as if I am not listened to. This rant is all about my mental health.

Is it really too much to ask for someone, a medical professional, to actually take the time to talk to me? FFS, I would have better luck corralling a group of feral cats while blowing a bugal and riding a moose.

For 30+ years I have felt “wrong” in my head. Questioning myself on how I think, feel, or react. I have been told I had depression, anxiety, depression caused by anxiety, ADHD and round and round I go. The latest was a diagnosis of BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. Okay, so that could make sense BUT they diagnosed me off of past doctor reports because they are too “busy” to actually talk to me. Well WTF? I have questions. What do I do? How do I deal with something that has impacted my life for over 30 years. The feelings of being lost, alone, worthless. How do you deal? Were I live there is such a shortage of physiatrists, that unless you are seriously on the edge, they cannot even take the time to talk to you.

My family doc is trying again to get me in to see someone but I do not hold onto too much hope and the only option I have it to privately pay for a full assessment. I am not sure about the majority of people but I don’t have an extra $3800 – $4200 laying around for the costs, however; I am now running out of any options if I want to get the help and guidance I need.

I try to find the little things in my life that are “happy” things. Could be the beautiful sunset, or the family of birds nesting in one of my trees, but to keep the positive can be a struggle somedays.

I will just have to keep coming here to spew and rant. Just to get stuff out, but it won’t always be “bad” stuff. I do have happy moments as well. I love humour and being silly so I will try to bring a bit of that as well.

Until I remember to post again, stay sane.