Do you ever feel like every day is just shit upon shit? Like everything is just hitting you at one time and you just want to cry? Not because you are sad but because you are just so damn angry and frustrated? This feels like it has been my life for so long at this point.

I had a health issue occur last October. I woke up during the night with a bad tension headache. Well, I thought it was a tension headache, but I believe it was actually a signal that my body was about to go all spastic on me. I woke up in the morning with my head still hurting, right at the base of my skull, I logged onto my computer and tried to work. Luckily, my job is remote so I was hanging out in the jammies and looked kinda like death. I was hurting and oh so very tired. I gave up and said I would have to sign off. I layed on the couch in pain that now radiated down my back and I was in tears. Symptoms got worse over the next 24 hours. I woke up with my knees swollen and had a very hard time walking. I felt like my knees were week. I looked like a new born foal trying to learn how to stand. Its funny now if I think about it but damn, not at the time.

I went to our local small town hospital. Tests were run and they found inflammation in my body with no found cause. Now my doc wanted me to see a Rheumatologist. He was thinking I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. The bad part? Until he spoke to the specialist, he couldn’t give me the one medication he said would take all the pain away. The specialist would probably want further blood tests first. I had to wait a few days taking anything I could to stave off the pain but I could walk again. I did however; get hit with the worst case of Vertigo I could ever dare have. 2 hours on my couch, laying down, scared to move even a fraction of an inch or the room would spin and I would feel like I was dying.

To condense things a bit it is now 9 months later. No Rheumatoid Arthritis. They suspected Lupus but nope. They cannot tell me what happened or if it will happen again. Literally without warning which scares the crap out of me. What if I am on a trip or something? I still feel aches, pains, tingling, it kicked up carpal tunnel on me in a horrible way. I never had it before that episode and now I have to wear braces all the time. I get cramps in my feet and lower legs just be moving slightly during the night. I get what I refer to as a COLD burning sensation in my arms they cannot give me answers for. The last answer I got was “maybe you have Fibromyalgia”. Well thank you fucking much. What do I with that? Do I? Don’t I? Is that just so you can give me some kind of answer because you really don’t have a clue?

Now I could fully understand if some symptoms are from my Hashimotos (hypothyroidism to the point of the thyroid is basically burnt out), maybe some from perimenopause but FFS someone actually tell me and maybe give me a little help? I knew getting older would have its issues but my mother, with a hear condition, is in better shape than me at this point.

Well, another rant of frustration. Until next time – stay sane.